YOUR ADHD GAME PLAN

Strategy 1

Change the Context

YOU ARE HERE

Strategy 2

Let Them Design It

Strategy 3

Make the Deadline Real

Strategy 4

Make It Harder

Strategy 5

You're Not in Trouble

Strategy 6

Drop the Command

STRATEGY

OF 6

Lower the Temperature

“She screams at me over nothing. One minute it’s homework, the next she’s slamming her door so hard the pictures rattle.”

Last week you stopped pulling and started depositing. This week the work moves inside you. Your teen will still blow up. What changes is what you do while it happens. When they escalate and you match them, you both get louder and the original issue disappears under the noise. When you stay steady, there’s nothing for them to push against.

You’re not solving anything mid-blowup this week. You’re keeping the temperature low enough that the issue survives the moment. And if a moment can take a little lightness, use it. Yours, not a line from a book, and never at their expense. A real laugh can cool things down faster than any script. One move, then stop.

This week’s daily opener: one warm moment. Notice one real thing. “That song you had on earlier, what was it?” No follow-up ask.

Pick Your Moment

Name It to Lower It: they’re upset and getting louder.

Steady Yourself First: you feel yourself heating up before you’ve said a word.

The Tactical Pause: you’re about to say something you’ll have to repair.

This Week's Moves

Situation 1

They’re Upset and Getting Louder

Name It to Lower It. Say the emotion you can see, once, then stop talking. You’re not analyzing it and you’re not fixing it. Naming a feeling out loud takes some of the charge out of it, and it shows them you see them, not just the behavior.

“You’re furious about this right now.” Then quiet. No “but,” no fix.

If they snap “No I’m not,” let it go: “Okay, my mistake.” Don’t defend your read.

Don’t say: “Calm down.” They hear: your feelings are too much. Name what you see instead, then go quiet.

Situation 2

You Feel Yourself Heating Up Before You’ve Said a Word

Steady Yourself First. Before you respond to anything, settle your own body. Your teen reads your face, your tone, and your pace before your words arrive. Steady those first and you give them something solid to lean on. A calm adult nearby is what helps a worked-up teen come back down.

Three slow breaths. Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw. Then talk.

Say less, slower: “I’m here. Take your time.”

Self-talk, in your head: “This is hard. I’m doing my best.”

Situation 3

You’re About to Say Something You’ll Have to Repair

The Tactical Pause. When the words forming in your mouth are ones you’ll regret, buy yourself a gap. Announce it, take it, come back. The pause doesn’t settle your body all the way down. It does something simpler: it puts space between the trigger and your first words, so you choose them.

“I need a minute before I answer this.” Then take the minute.

If they push with “See, you don’t have an answer,” stay level: “I’m taking time to answer properly. Give me a minute.”

When you come back, start smaller than you want to: “Okay. Tell me again what you’re asking for.”

Why This Works

In a hot moment, teens run on feeling first and logic second, and a calm adult nearby helps the feelings come down. That’s why your steadiness works when your arguments don’t. Naming a feeling helps it loosen its grip, for you and for them. And the pause earns its place because most of the things you regret saying in a fight, you said in the first few seconds. A short gap won’t settle your body completely. After a real flood, that can take twenty minutes or more. But the gap is enough to choose your words instead of firing them.

Your teen is learning something in these moments too. Every blowup that doesn’t cost them the relationship teaches them their big feelings are survivable. That lesson travels with them, into classrooms and friendships and every hard conversation they’ll ever have.

For Your Archetype

For Their Teen OS

Quick Summary

Stop

Matching their volume, and reasoning with a teen who’s too flooded to hear it.

Change

Name the feeling once, steady your own body first, and take the pause before you answer.

Impact

Fights wind down sooner, and your teen settles faster because someone steady is nearby.

What to Watch For

You'll Catch It When

Performing calm while you’re boiling inside. Quiet on the outside and revving on the inside isn’t steadiness, and your teen can feel the difference. If you’re not actually level, take the pause instead of faking it.

Early Signs

A blowup that winds down one notch faster than it used to. They take a breath after you take one. The door still slams, but they come out sooner.

If Nothing Shifts Yet

Steadiness is a rep, not a switch. Your teen learns you’re solid by seeing it again and again, on ordinary nights. If you yelled anyway, next week teaches you how to repair it. Keep your voice low and keep going.

Saige

Feel a blowup starting and not sure which move fits? Tell Saige what’s happening and get the one to reach for.