YOUR ADHD GAME PLAN

Strategy 1

Change the Context

YOU ARE HERE

Strategy 2

Let Them Design It

Strategy 3

Make the Deadline Real

Strategy 4

Make It Harder

Strategy 5

You're Not in Trouble

Strategy 6

Drop the Command

STRATEGY

OF 6

Work It Out Together

“We’ve had the same homework fight every night for a year. I am so tired of being the enforcer.”

Three weeks of deposits, steadiness, and lines that hold bought you something: a teen who can sit at the table with you. This week you use it on the issue you’ve actually been fighting about. Not your solution, announced and defended. Announcing is how the tug-of-war started. This week their input goes first, and you hold only what you truly have to hold. Go slower than feels natural. Their voice has to really count, or they’ll know.

This week’s daily opener: two minutes in the same room. No questions, no phone. Just be there.

Pick Your Moment

Ask Before You Solve: the same friction keeps coming back and you already know your answer.

What Would Work for You: you’re stuck in a standoff and neither side is moving.

Hold the What, Hand Over the How: the outcome isn’t negotiable but the path could be.

This Week's Moves

Situation 1

The Same Friction Keeps Coming Back and You Already Know Your Answer

Ask Before You Solve. Before you present your fix, ask for theirs. Real curiosity, not a setup. Psychologist Ross Greene starts from a simple idea: kids do well if they can. When a teen keeps struggling, it’s usually a skill gap or something in the way, not defiance. Asking is how you find out what’s in the way.

“Mornings keep blowing up. What do you think would actually help?” Then listen before you talk.

“What have you already tried?” You might be about to suggest something they’ve already ruled out.

If they shrug “I don’t know,” offer a smaller door: “Would it help to hear a couple of options?”

Situation 2

You’re Stuck in a Standoff and Neither Side Is Moving

What Would Work for You. Hand them the pen. Ask what version of this they could live with, and make it safe to answer honestly instead of saying what you want to hear. It sounds like this, on curfew: “We’re stuck on curfew. What would work for you?” “Midnight.” “I hear you. I can’t sleep when you’re not home. What if we try eleven on weekends and look at it again in a month?”

“What’s a version of this you could actually live with?” Then wait, even if it takes a minute.

If you’re both stuck, open it up: “Any idea is on the table. We’re not deciding yet.” Write down everything they say, even the wild ones. A wild idea still tells you what they need.

Don’t say: “We need to talk.” They hear: you’re in trouble. Try: “When you have a minute, not right now, I want to figure something out with you.”

Situation 3

The Outcome Isn’t Negotiable but the Path Could Be

Hold the What, Hand Over the How. Keep the non-negotiable. Give them the method, the timing, and the order. A plan they built runs on their reasons, not on your enforcement.

“Homework gets done, that part’s fixed. When and how is yours to figure out.”

Once you hand over the how, don’t take it back the first time it wobbles. Ask instead: “Is the plan working, or does it need a tweak?”

For the quick agree-er: “Does this actually work for you, or are you just keeping the peace?” Make room for a real no.

Why This Works

Teens tend to stick with a plan they helped build, because they’re following their own reasons instead of your orders. This is the week the month pays off, and you should watch for it out loud: they bring you a workable idea. They raise a problem before it turns into a fight. They keep a plan for a week without being chased. They come to you after a blowup with a small repair of their own. That is your teen handling what life throws at them, and you watching them do it.

You’re still the parent. You still hold the what. But you’re no longer managing every step, and they know you don’t need to. We call that the Mentor Zone: close enough to matter, steady enough to trust, confident your teen can carry their end. With a power struggle, the turn usually starts small. One honest negotiation that doesn’t blow up. Count it.

For Your Archetype

For Their Teen OS

Quick Summary

Stop

Presenting your solution and calling it a discussion.

Change

Their input first, real options on the table, the what held and the how handed over.

Impact

You watch your teen move from fighting your rules to sharing a plan, and you start trusting them with more of their own life.

What to Watch For

You'll Catch It When

Asking a question you’ve already answered. After three weeks of honesty, your teen will spot it, and one fake invitation costs you real ones.

Early Signs

They bring a workable idea. They flag a problem early. A plan survives a week without you chasing it.

If Nothing Shifts Yet

Working it out together only holds on a full account and a level room. If it keeps collapsing, spend more time in Weeks 1 to 3 and come back. More deposits and more steadiness are never wasted.

Saige

Holding the outcome but stuck on where to hand over the how? Describe the friction to Saige and find the line together.